Breaking the Chains: Linea Johnson’s Path from Stigma to Mental Health Advocacy

00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,000
I thought that I was completely alone.

00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:09,920
The reason that I wanted to be open, being vulnerable, in public, publish a book, was because

00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:16,320
I thought that I was alone, and then I learned I wasn't, and then I realized that other people

00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:21,520
needed to find that as well, because really everyone has a story.

00:00:21,780 --> 00:00:26,240
Thank you for joining us on Season 3 of the Altered Life Podcast.

00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:34,020
Today, we sit down with advocate, bestselling author, and keynote speaker, Linea Johnson, as

00:00:34,020 --> 00:00:40,160
we journey into the frontier of leading with your heart, and finding your perfect chaos.

00:00:47,860 --> 00:00:53,860
I published a book with my mom around my story with bipolar, and her as a family member, and

00:00:53,860 --> 00:01:02,260
that just kind of built a career around mental health advocacy, and so that's what really matters to me.

00:01:02,380 --> 00:01:07,060
These days, I focus a lot on workplace mental health, because that's such an important space.

00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:11,460
It's such an important area, for sure.

00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:16,620
How long have you been sort of, you know, in this role as a mental health advocate?

00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,540
I mean, how much time?

00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:27,180
Gosh, I think it's almost, I was diagnosed at 19, and I pretty much started advocating from

00:01:27,180 --> 00:01:29,540
then, so that's about 20 years now.

00:01:29,820 --> 00:01:31,060
That's a lot of time.

00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:40,320
Connect with us as we look to harness the power of real human connection, only on the Altered Life Podcast. All right.

00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:47,200
Welcome to Episode 2 of Season 3 of the Altered Life Podcast.

00:01:48,140 --> 00:01:53,300
I have Linea Johnson here with me. Linea, where are you?

00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:58,120
What part of the country are you in right now? I'm in central Illinois.

00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:04,140
I'm originally from Seattle, so I'm still trying to remind myself that I live here.

00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:10,060
I'm in Champaign, which is where the University of Illinois is, about two hours south of Chicago.

00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,960
Well, thanks for connecting with us virtually.

00:02:15,530 --> 00:02:24,420
We met at a conference recently, and I immediately was just taken with your presence and just

00:02:24,420 --> 00:02:31,360
your spirit, and something just said, hey, ask her to be a guest on your podcast.

00:02:31,420 --> 00:02:33,900
I'm excited to see where this goes.

00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:39,440
I'm sure it's going to be really, really powerful and great.

00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:50,800
Thank you again for accepting the invitation to be a part of this conversation. Absolutely. Yeah, thank you.

00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:57,220
I always like to ask the guests to sort of introduce themselves.

00:02:57,820 --> 00:03:03,180
You know, what is it that you'd like the audience to know about you? Who are you?

00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:09,480
What accomplishments are really important to note for the world?

00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:14,880
Who are you and who do you want to be known as? How's that?

00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:22,480
I just watched the Johnny Crowder episode, and I really appreciated him saying, what is it,

00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,600
the 30 years and 30 seconds.

00:03:24,940 --> 00:03:26,180
For me, it's almost 40 years.

00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:30,940
How do you condense it, especially as someone who lives with a mental illness?

00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,080
It's a very twisty, turny path.

00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:43,100
But I guess for me, one of the big things I identify as is a mental health advocate, really just a human connector.

00:03:43,540 --> 00:03:55,100
And my path has just taken me in a way where I started as a research and then policy around mental health.

00:03:55,240 --> 00:04:00,840
I published a book with my mom around my story with bipolar and her as a family member.

00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:06,200
And that just kind of built a career around mental health advocacy.

00:04:07,220 --> 00:04:09,280
And so that's what really matters to me.

00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:14,000
These days, I focus a lot on workplace mental health because that's such an important space.

00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:18,500
Oh, it's such an important area for sure.

00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:23,600
How long have you been sort of in this role as a mental health advocate?

00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:25,520
I mean, how much time?

00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,480
Gosh, I think it's almost...

00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:34,520
I was diagnosed at 19 and I pretty much started advocating from then.

00:04:34,580 --> 00:04:36,320
So that's about 20 years now.

00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,700
That's a lot of time. Yeah.

00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:50,060
I don't think mental health awareness and mental health as a topic was so prominent as it is today.

00:04:50,220 --> 00:04:57,400
What was it like back then when you first started out and trying to be an advocate and trying

00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,680
to put out this message?

00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:04,000
What was the difference back then to what it's like now?

00:05:05,140 --> 00:05:11,100
I feel like my second book needs to be on this topic because it has changed.

00:05:11,820 --> 00:05:19,000
So many things have changed and so many things are the same. So when I start...

00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:23,440
When my book came out, it was 2012, but I started doing it a bit earlier than that.

00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:26,160
I thought that I was completely alone.

00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:34,140
The reason that I wanted to be open, being vulnerable in public, publish a book was because

00:05:34,140 --> 00:05:36,600
I thought that I was alone.

00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:38,620
And then I learned I wasn't.

00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:45,700
And then I realized that other people needed to find that as well, because really everyone has a story.

00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:48,800
But at that time, we didn't have social media.

00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,520
People weren't talking about it on TikTok.

00:05:53,180 --> 00:05:55,360
Young people weren't talking about it.

00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:59,020
We had wonderful things like NAMI, which I got involved with.

00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,360
But it was not the same.

00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:07,740
That vulnerability, it was very scary and hard at the time.

00:06:09,220 --> 00:06:16,480
And then I think one of the big things that for me, I grew up very...

00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,880
I had a wonderful family. I felt very supported.

00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:26,780
And when I was diagnosed, I ended up in the hospital in the really intensive locked-in wing

00:06:26,780 --> 00:06:30,460
with people that were unhoused.

00:06:30,980 --> 00:06:33,060
They didn't have any resources, any family.

00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:40,800
And the big thing for me was access to resources and how it tied into the larger policy around

00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,640
mental health and what's available.

00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:45,980
So that's kind of what started my career.

00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:52,040
I wanted to really make an impact and make sure everyone got services and that people felt seen and connected.

00:06:53,700 --> 00:07:00,740
But I guess to get back to the question of what has changed, now we have so many people that are talking about it.

00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:04,300
There's been fabulous changes in terms of stigma reduction.

00:07:05,220 --> 00:07:11,420
We're talking about it in the workplaces, which is totally new as of I feel like the past five years.

00:07:13,060 --> 00:07:17,860
I would say it's about time. It's about time. Absolutely about time.

00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:20,280
And there's still so much more to work to go.

00:07:21,060 --> 00:07:25,500
But I have seen a lot of really positive changes.

00:07:25,620 --> 00:07:33,880
I think there's still things such as more severe mental illness that is really stigmatized still, bipolar.

00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:40,180
We're talking about the larger depression and mental health challenges, but schizophrenia, OCD,

00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,760
bipolar, a lot of those are really misunderstood.

00:07:43,220 --> 00:07:46,980
I also have anorexia, which I feel like is extremely misunderstood.

00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,740
So we've gone a long way.

00:07:51,020 --> 00:07:52,360
We still got a lot way to go.

00:07:52,840 --> 00:08:02,100
Well, I'm so thankful that you pioneered in many ways 20 years ago and laid the foundation for

00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:07,420
people like myself to come into the space and do important work.

00:08:07,540 --> 00:08:09,700
And so I want to thank you for that.

00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:20,380
You also mentioned about the environment that you landed in when you were in care, and it didn't sound very attractive.

00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:26,020
It didn't sound like a great setting that you described.

00:08:27,420 --> 00:08:31,900
I want to come back to that at some point and talk to you about that.

00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:39,320
But it sounds like there was a lot of insight that you had from that lived experience in your

00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:48,500
own path of care and maybe lack thereof. But let's rewind.

00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:52,380
Let's take the Wayback Machine and rewind a bit here.

00:08:53,420 --> 00:08:57,840
So I think you said you were from...

00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:04,380
Are you originally from the Midwest, or did you say earlier you're from the Pacific Northwest, I think? Yeah.

00:09:04,380 --> 00:09:08,200
I'm originally from Washington State. Washington State. Yes.

00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:12,500
Is that the Emerald State? The Emerald City.

00:09:14,580 --> 00:09:24,700
So tell me about what was it like for you as a young child, and what was your experience? What was that like?

00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,300
Let's go back there in your story. Yeah.

00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:37,840
So when I think about my childhood and teen years, I almost have two different things that's marked in the middle.

00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:41,460
I grew up in a very small town in central Washington.

00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:43,220
It was an apple farming town.

00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:49,540
The whole village, it wasn't even a town, it was an unincorporated village, relied on whether

00:09:49,540 --> 00:09:51,200
the crops did well and tourism.

00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:56,220
And so that, my dad owned a hardware store, my mom was a teacher.

00:09:56,380 --> 00:09:58,160
I lived there until I was 10.

00:09:58,420 --> 00:10:05,440
And then we moved over to the big city in Bellevue, Washington, in Seattle, Washington.

00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:10,780
So my mom could pursue her EDD or her education.

00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:18,060
So the beginning years were very different than my 10 to 18 years.

00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:24,680
But I think that growing up in that small town, and then moving to this town of great privilege,

00:10:24,860 --> 00:10:28,880
it's where Microsoft, like, there's a lot of money there.

00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:32,680
And it helped me, it was hard adjustment.

00:10:32,940 --> 00:10:38,560
But I think that I had a lot of privileges, I had a lot of opportunities.

00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:45,680
But I also was able to remember where I grew up and remember that that's not that bubble I lived

00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:47,260
in was not the whole world.

00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:50,680
So I think that that really made a lot of who I am.

00:10:52,380 --> 00:10:54,720
And so yes, very different world.

00:10:54,880 --> 00:11:00,420
I also grew up very much, we always cared about disabilities.

00:11:00,780 --> 00:11:06,360
And my both of my parents worked in the disability field, my mom, a special ed teacher, my dad's

00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:10,520
a rehab counselor, and then a very artistic family as well.

00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:19,600
So creativity and care about other humans is kind of the core of my childhood, I would say. That's wonderful.

00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:23,080
And it's great where you had that upbringing.

00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:28,080
And yeah, had that sort of in your background as well, right?

00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:35,200
So I'm sure you were hearing about, you know, these sorts of, you know, societal issues way

00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:40,840
back then, even as a child, you remember any of the things that your parents were, you know,

00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:48,080
dealing with or trying to address, you know, back then? Was it special ed? Any, you know, topics?

00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:54,820
Yeah, they were passionate about that you would maybe get he got you gained insights on as an

00:11:54,820 --> 00:11:59,160
early, you know, in your formative early formation as a person?

00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:06,100
Yeah, I, well, first, I was reading the way too early.

00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:15,420
I diagnosed my guinea pig who had ear mites with Tourette's, not knowing that that was completely inappropriate.

00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:21,500
You when you were doing that? Nine, I mean,

00:12:25,180 --> 00:12:33,380
Yeah, um, I just I always kind of thought about, I, I just gravitated towards thinking about psychology and mental health.

00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:38,680
My mom focused a lot on behavior disorders in her research and her work.

00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:49,840
And, and, and unfortunately, I think one of the things that I learned about too young was, there

00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:53,700
was a school shooting in Central Washington, actually before Columbine.

00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:57,660
And my mom was actually someone brought in on that case.

00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:02,780
And because she does some work around students and involved in that.

00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:06,200
So of course, they didn't bring me into all the details.

00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:11,160
But I think I started thinking about those topics very early as well.

00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:18,520
And I think that anxiety around that kind of built I was always an emotional kid anyways.

00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:23,800
But yeah, you say you're an empath? Oh, yeah.

00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:25,790
So you're picking up things?

00:13:26,730 --> 00:13:35,250
I'm sure you picked up, you know, sort of the, the, you know, the severity and the, the angst

00:13:35,250 --> 00:13:39,370
of what was going on with the adults around this episode.

00:13:39,970 --> 00:13:47,310
But there's so much, you know, in that, you know, why do you think, you know, what's your take

00:13:47,310 --> 00:13:54,230
on why these sort of, you know, mass shooting episodes are happening?

00:13:54,410 --> 00:13:58,450
What, where do you think that's coming from? Oh, gosh.

00:13:59,150 --> 00:14:07,090
I think that that's such a hard, that's such a hard thing to, to talk about and think about.

00:14:08,950 --> 00:14:11,150
I don't want to get fully into politics.

00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:16,490
But one thing that I get really frustrated about is the tie in with mental illness and mental

00:14:16,490 --> 00:14:24,410
health and that people, people need to remember that people that are mentally ill are often

00:14:24,410 --> 00:14:30,790
the people that are more have violence against them, and are not necessarily the perpetrators.

00:14:31,110 --> 00:14:41,470
And so tying people with mental illness to these horrible events just leads to a lack of resources.

00:14:42,470 --> 00:14:49,710
It leads to even more people not getting the help that they need when they're not violent at all.

00:14:50,610 --> 00:15:00,130
Certainly, when these things happen, I, I imagine there is an extent of great emotional and

00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:03,170
mental trauma that's happening that leads to this.

00:15:03,550 --> 00:15:12,830
But just saying that shootings are directly tied to the mentally ill, or I use the in front.

00:15:14,250 --> 00:15:16,490
You know, I, I really struggle with that.

00:15:16,490 --> 00:15:21,870
And I think that's part of what keeps what I talked about the continued stigma with schizophrenia and bipolar.

00:15:22,210 --> 00:15:25,890
I think that unfortunately, we're still tying a lot of that together.

00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:31,090
Yeah, we're still, we're looking for, we're looking for an answer, right?

00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:38,870
And I know it was, it's hard for me to sort of ask you to give, you know, your, what do you

00:15:38,870 --> 00:15:46,750
believe the answer is, because it's a very complicated matter and not very, you know, sort of simple or linear.

00:15:47,310 --> 00:15:53,670
There's, it's multifaceted, multilayered, and very complex.

00:15:54,010 --> 00:16:03,410
But, you know, there is clearly, you know, something happening in society where these things are happening.

00:16:03,690 --> 00:16:11,150
And, you know, I think there are some that are definitely have, you know, some mental health

00:16:11,150 --> 00:16:18,830
issues or mental illness, and there are others that are just sort of, you know, there's a criminality

00:16:18,830 --> 00:16:21,210
element to this as well, right?

00:16:21,210 --> 00:16:26,610
And so it's not just one persona that's doing this. It's very complicated.

00:16:27,350 --> 00:16:34,850
And as we continue to look for better solutions and answers around this, you know, we'll have

00:16:34,850 --> 00:16:40,050
to, we'll have to, you know, continue to search for that as a society.

00:16:40,090 --> 00:16:49,770
But I think helping people to, you know, to deal with that as they're coping and, you know,

00:16:50,030 --> 00:16:57,190
what would you say is, you know, your outlook on coping with that type of situation in that

00:16:57,190 --> 00:17:04,190
you've been around it and you sort of, you know, experienced it when you were a kid, you know,

00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:12,050
what would you say to those who are sort of struggling and have anxiety around that and stress around that?

00:17:12,110 --> 00:17:18,030
Well, I'm very lucky that I was separated from that community that experienced the trauma, but

00:17:18,030 --> 00:17:24,350
I think the community piece and coming together with one another with any of the trauma that

00:17:24,350 --> 00:17:26,010
we experience is so essential.

00:17:26,430 --> 00:17:34,970
Having people that you can connect with, that you can even just sit in silence with, be present

00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:38,630
with, I think that's incredibly powerful.

00:17:38,630 --> 00:17:46,370
And then also having that, those resources and support around your mental health, even if you

00:17:46,370 --> 00:17:50,630
were steps away from it. Yeah. Yeah.

00:17:50,630 --> 00:17:54,110
Thanks for that, for those words of encouragement and advice.

00:17:54,470 --> 00:17:58,350
So going back to Linnea and, you know, your path.

00:17:58,430 --> 00:18:13,870
So you have this sort of, you know, I'm picturing the apple orchards and the sort of, you know,

00:18:13,870 --> 00:18:20,910
flowing green hills and white fences and small, this small town experience.

00:18:20,910 --> 00:18:31,090
And then you go to Bellevue, like the home of Microsoft and also, isn't Lockheed there or Boeing is there?

00:18:31,130 --> 00:18:33,250
I'm sorry, I think Boeing is there. Boeing is there, yeah.

00:18:33,270 --> 00:18:36,150
So there's these big corporations and- Amazon.

00:18:36,150 --> 00:18:39,950
Amazon, and there's this affluence that's there.

00:18:40,530 --> 00:18:42,930
What was that transition like for you?

00:18:43,030 --> 00:18:46,190
How did, you know, you're 10 years old at this point, is that right?

00:18:46,950 --> 00:18:48,650
Do I have a timeline correct?

00:18:49,530 --> 00:19:05,270
Yeah, it was, well, and I went from a class of about 30 kids to, you know, about 300 in my high school. Yeah.

00:19:05,630 --> 00:19:13,870
And, I mean, at the time we were transitioning across the state, my mom was going back to school.

00:19:14,250 --> 00:19:17,290
There were all of these added expenses.

00:19:17,830 --> 00:19:25,550
So, you know, we're not focusing on, we're not able to buy the same things necessarily, like ski passes.

00:19:25,690 --> 00:19:30,070
We're not focusing on that as much as like my mom being in school and all of those.

00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:41,390
So that was a big change the fact that there were just so many opportunities in Bellevue.

00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:49,510
These kids grew up learning all these instruments in different languages and, you know, anything

00:19:49,510 --> 00:19:53,090
that you want to learn and anything you want to do as a kid was available.

00:19:54,050 --> 00:20:00,010
And Mance and I took piano lessons, but when I moved to, or, you know, the town that I grew

00:20:00,010 --> 00:20:05,490
up in, but when I moved to Bellevue, it was just, I could take any instrument in the world.

00:20:07,750 --> 00:20:14,010
So just the opportunity, the expansiveness of opportunities.

00:20:15,250 --> 00:20:27,330
But then because of, I think also the money and just the, there was a very high level of, you

00:20:27,330 --> 00:20:29,310
know, everyone was in AP classes in high school.

00:20:29,610 --> 00:20:32,650
Everyone was very high achieving.

00:20:33,530 --> 00:20:40,170
There was a lot of pressure and I definitely became that kid that was in every AP class I took.

00:20:40,710 --> 00:20:43,310
I took class before school started.

00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:49,270
I did running start and like drove over to the community college during the day and then came

00:20:49,270 --> 00:20:53,350
back and was in theater at night and it was just constant.

00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:58,950
So just a very different pace also and very high expectations.

00:20:59,990 --> 00:21:06,270
Do you think that transition, you know, in terms of your parents, do you think that they made,

00:21:06,690 --> 00:21:11,550
you know, sort of, they compensated, made adjustments for you to sort of help you with that

00:21:11,550 --> 00:21:15,210
transition in the best way possible at that time? They did.

00:21:15,250 --> 00:21:19,150
And actually when I moved was between fourth and fifth grade.

00:21:19,250 --> 00:21:26,050
And so instead of putting me into the public elementary school that was in my, that I was supposed

00:21:26,050 --> 00:21:34,490
to go to, they put me in another public elementary school, but that was actually like a smaller, more alternative school.

00:21:34,490 --> 00:21:42,730
So for fifth grade, it was like a smaller class size and I could adjust a bit before middle school exploded. Yeah.

00:21:42,730 --> 00:21:44,610
So they very much worked for that.

00:21:47,410 --> 00:21:50,230
And you're in fifth grade. Yeah. Fifth grade.

00:21:50,450 --> 00:21:59,470
So let's say fifth, sixth grade, really important years in, you know, development of a young person.

00:21:59,950 --> 00:22:09,070
Did you start to get any self-awareness or insight into, you know, yourself and potentially,

00:22:09,290 --> 00:22:16,350
you know, things that may have been going on that you're like, wait a second, you know, Hmm.

00:22:16,530 --> 00:22:24,510
Did you have any moments where you're kind of starting to sense things that might be happening internally?

00:22:25,650 --> 00:22:30,390
I, I don't know if I started to sense at that point.

00:22:30,550 --> 00:22:35,310
I knew that I was a sensitive person and a sensitive kid.

00:22:35,870 --> 00:22:42,050
Um, I knew that I was like a little artist kid.

00:22:43,670 --> 00:22:47,770
I would play the piano in the dark and like, pretend like I was in the family opera.

00:22:47,910 --> 00:22:51,450
You know, I was very big imagination, very big feelings.

00:22:51,970 --> 00:22:58,430
And so I just knew that I was kind of quirky and, and a little sensitive or a lot sensitive,

00:22:58,430 --> 00:23:02,590
but I didn't yet connect it to a larger thing.

00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:09,110
I think I did start probably masking a bit of that at starting at that age.

00:23:09,710 --> 00:23:17,790
So that I could fit into that high achieving, high functioning, uh, thing going into middle school and high school.

00:23:18,350 --> 00:23:20,310
I was very much a people pleaser.

00:23:21,050 --> 00:23:28,450
I wanted everything to, my perfectionism was a detriment, something I've worked on for my whole life.

00:23:28,450 --> 00:23:33,230
And I think that that all started about them about fifth grade. Yeah.

00:23:33,230 --> 00:23:35,130
So take me, take me beyond fifth grade.

00:23:35,250 --> 00:23:36,510
What's the journey like from there?

00:23:38,670 --> 00:23:43,590
Well, from there is when I just started like amping up all the different things I was doing.

00:23:43,710 --> 00:23:45,150
I knew I wanted to be a musician.

00:23:46,010 --> 00:23:52,730
So instead of just taking one instrument, I was in orchestra and band and I played the piano

00:23:52,730 --> 00:23:56,030
and I was in choir and doing musicals.

00:23:56,810 --> 00:23:58,910
Um, and then I was also playing sports.

00:23:58,910 --> 00:24:02,790
I was a fast pitch pitcher and played basketball.

00:24:03,730 --> 00:24:10,630
I actually got to the point, I think sophomore year was when I first experienced a depression and anxiety.

00:24:10,970 --> 00:24:14,370
Um, because I, I couldn't do it all. You literally can't.

00:24:14,530 --> 00:24:18,470
Well, when you're describing this today, you sound like you're talking about two or three people.

00:24:18,710 --> 00:24:22,590
I have to say, and I,

00:24:25,850 --> 00:24:30,830
no wonder, right. It's not surprising that that might've been a much.

00:24:31,810 --> 00:24:38,550
So yeah, I had probably an intervention from my parents being like, you can't do it all.

00:24:38,730 --> 00:24:46,510
And at that point I gave up sports because I just, I couldn't. Yeah. What year was that?

00:24:46,630 --> 00:24:49,950
What, how old were you then? That was sophomore year. Sophomore year.

00:24:50,470 --> 00:24:57,990
And that was hard too, because I mean, I'm, I'm from a family that has all gone to college and

00:24:57,990 --> 00:25:05,030
I thought a lot about I thought a lot about how to get scholarships and what an opportunity I was.

00:25:05,510 --> 00:25:06,510
I could have been a pitcher.

00:25:07,430 --> 00:25:10,910
Um, I was taking private pitching lessons also.

00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:16,790
And so giving that up was also this big weighted thing of, okay, well, is this money for college?

00:25:16,850 --> 00:25:23,730
But then all these really heavy things you're thinking about is like a 15 year old and how it's

00:25:23,730 --> 00:25:25,370
going to impact the rest of your life. Yeah.

00:25:26,330 --> 00:25:32,390
And it sounds, you know, you know, there's nothing new under the sun, you know, and there's

00:25:32,390 --> 00:25:37,770
just like listening to that sounds like, you know, something that might be happening today.

00:25:37,890 --> 00:25:41,750
And I think particularly with young, young girls, right.

00:25:41,950 --> 00:25:45,290
With high school age, college age girls, right.

00:25:45,290 --> 00:25:48,490
It's, it's, it's, you know, it's not easy.

00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:54,490
So, you know, if you were to say something to yourself or even maybe someone in the audience

00:25:54,490 --> 00:26:01,170
about that timeframe, you know, that experience, that season in life, you know, what advice

00:26:01,170 --> 00:26:08,150
would you give, you know, yourself or even somebody else out there about how to, you know, navigate

00:26:08,150 --> 00:26:14,910
and deal with that, uh, in a, in a healthy, you know, um, grounded way?

00:26:17,070 --> 00:26:18,790
Um, I think that's a hard one.

00:26:18,790 --> 00:26:24,950
I think, I don't know if I would have listened, but I would probably, I think just trying to

00:26:24,950 --> 00:26:30,150
remind, I feel like my mom and dad probably said this to me, but that there's not just one path,

00:26:30,150 --> 00:26:33,270
you know, I, have you seen inside out too?

00:26:34,390 --> 00:26:40,190
So the anxiety person that's like, but I have to plan all the potential problems that could

00:26:40,190 --> 00:26:43,290
go wrong and you just can't.

00:26:43,370 --> 00:26:49,470
And so for me, it was like, if I could see everything that I could possibly worry about, then I could fix it.

00:26:49,810 --> 00:26:55,610
Um, and so just to remember that if we choose the wrong path, it doesn't mean that that stays,

00:26:55,610 --> 00:26:58,370
that kind of the nature of life is change.

00:26:59,070 --> 00:27:05,590
And even though I very, I took a very specific path to pursue music.

00:27:05,610 --> 00:27:08,070
I'm not, I'm not a professional musician now.

00:27:08,070 --> 00:27:13,950
And so in the end, that, that choice didn't actually follow through anyways.

00:27:13,950 --> 00:27:16,550
And I'm doing something I love just as much.

00:27:17,090 --> 00:27:24,230
Uh, so I guess it's hard to get into those, that young mindset that's more rigid and hasn't

00:27:24,230 --> 00:27:28,950
got a grasp of like the length of time in your life.

00:27:29,770 --> 00:27:34,970
Potentially I, everything felt urgent and everything felt big.

00:27:34,970 --> 00:27:44,390
Um, so just trying to, to help me remember that there's more, that life goes, it's much bigger

00:27:44,390 --> 00:27:50,610
than we think, you know, there's more paths that we can choose and if we don't like something, we can change it. Yeah.

00:27:50,610 --> 00:27:54,450
There's that old saying, there's one thing certain in life, right. And that's change.

00:27:54,670 --> 00:28:02,170
So, you know, it's hard, it's hard to sort of, you know, embrace that reality and to understand

00:28:02,170 --> 00:28:05,570
the meaning behind that saying, but it is true, right?

00:28:05,570 --> 00:28:08,090
There's always, you know, change is always in the air.

00:28:08,290 --> 00:28:09,610
It's always going to happen.

00:28:10,050 --> 00:28:20,970
And, uh, you know, so we have to embrace that and learn how to sort of do change in a really positive way. It's not always comfortable. It's not easy, right.

00:28:21,250 --> 00:28:23,250
But change is a constant.

00:28:23,810 --> 00:28:30,930
So when does this, uh, like this Linnea that does, Linnea that does like three or four, the

00:28:30,930 --> 00:28:37,070
output of three or four people, when does this become like unsustainable and, you know, when

00:28:37,070 --> 00:28:40,070
does it really start to not work anymore?

00:28:40,170 --> 00:28:43,750
When can you not like, you know, just keep that going at that pace?

00:28:44,270 --> 00:28:47,330
Well, unfortunately that's been a pattern throughout my life.

00:28:47,670 --> 00:28:54,270
So it's not a, it's not a, I figured it out in high school thing. Um, really quick.

00:28:54,310 --> 00:29:00,590
I want to say when we talked about the changes that have happened around advocacy in the last 20 years.

00:29:01,370 --> 00:29:08,830
One thing I really wish that I had that I see now is this understanding of neurodivergence and

00:29:08,830 --> 00:29:14,050
an almost pride in being yourself and being authentic.

00:29:14,470 --> 00:29:21,190
And that it's a positive that you have this special way of thinking and you have these emotions.

00:29:21,690 --> 00:29:31,390
I wish that I, as a teenager could have felt like it was okay to have feelings and to be my

00:29:31,390 --> 00:29:38,210
full self, uh, because I think that's something I've been trying to re wire throughout the last,

00:29:38,630 --> 00:29:48,770
you know, since then, um, but yeah, so when I, that first time I was a sophomore, I gave up

00:29:48,770 --> 00:29:54,630
sports and I was still probably doing two people's work.

00:29:55,470 --> 00:30:05,110
And then when I went to college, I'd be at least, at least I got a big scholarship to school

00:30:05,110 --> 00:30:08,630
because I did this video of like a day in the life.

00:30:09,410 --> 00:30:14,570
And I think they were just like, Oh my God, this, you can have a scholarship.

00:30:14,570 --> 00:30:19,850
You're doing like way too much. We're impressed enough. Thank you.

00:30:19,850 --> 00:30:23,910
Can you just, can you just level set me in like what time, when is this happening?

00:30:24,030 --> 00:30:31,290
Are you, you're doing this video in a, with a, with a selfie, like a T a phone recorder, or you do have this?

00:30:31,290 --> 00:30:32,230
Oh, not at that time.

00:30:33,450 --> 00:30:35,450
Box at least to carry around.

00:30:35,810 --> 00:30:39,690
And during the video was, you know, flip phone era.

00:30:39,690 --> 00:30:46,250
So I think we had at least a smaller camera, but I was just doing little, little clips of like,

00:30:46,250 --> 00:30:53,350
I start my day at 6 AM and jazz band before school, and then I do this and I get home at 10

00:30:53,350 --> 00:30:59,990
PM and then I do my homework and I'm just like, Oh, and I think that's still students these days.

00:31:00,890 --> 00:31:03,450
Um, so yeah, it's a lot.

00:31:03,610 --> 00:31:06,130
And I, I, I kept doing that.

00:31:06,130 --> 00:31:10,010
I still find myself wanting to do that. Yeah.

00:31:10,010 --> 00:31:15,090
I think you're, you're onto something because like, that's still the case.

00:31:15,110 --> 00:31:21,330
I have a 15 and a half year old and I watch him and his friends and, uh, you know, the competition

00:31:21,330 --> 00:31:25,390
is stiff and it's so hard to get into school these days.

00:31:25,390 --> 00:31:33,430
And the, you know, the, uh, admissions criteria is, you know, not gotten any easier and so they're

00:31:33,430 --> 00:31:41,110
really pushing themselves and, um, you know, that, that, that process, that experience can be,

00:31:41,210 --> 00:31:49,570
you know, it can be very, very, um, you know, stressful, can be very draining, can be very,

00:31:49,690 --> 00:31:57,950
um, you know, just sort of, uh, just completely fray, fraying them right at, uh, from every side.

00:31:58,330 --> 00:32:00,570
So, uh, was that your experience?

00:32:00,690 --> 00:32:03,590
Was it like, were you, were you feeling it?

00:32:03,590 --> 00:32:07,050
Did you feel it when you were going through it? Yeah.

00:32:07,050 --> 00:32:09,410
And I think that's part of it.

00:32:09,590 --> 00:32:15,190
What kind of covered up my, my diagnosis of bipolar, because I thought that it was just because

00:32:15,190 --> 00:32:17,090
nobody should be doing that.

00:32:18,070 --> 00:32:24,770
Uh, and, and you're, our little minds aren't even like, they're still growing, you know, so

00:32:24,770 --> 00:32:27,430
we're still developing at that point.

00:32:27,630 --> 00:32:35,450
Um, and I, I would have these horrible depressions that I would just be stuck in my room at

00:32:35,450 --> 00:32:39,070
night in the dark, listening to music and just not be able to function.

00:32:40,250 --> 00:32:49,670
And I learned then a pattern that I have tried over and over to get out of how to, like I said,

00:32:49,730 --> 00:32:53,150
how to mask so that I could get everything done during the day.

00:32:53,310 --> 00:32:55,050
I could look super productive.

00:32:55,250 --> 00:32:59,970
I could look super high functioning and then I would go home and I couldn't function.

00:33:01,210 --> 00:33:06,210
Um, and that, that pattern is still something I have to work very hard not to do.

00:33:07,270 --> 00:33:14,250
How old are you when this pattern starts to really set in? It's like becoming? In high school. Yeah.

00:33:14,990 --> 00:33:22,030
And did you mention something about, did your, did your parents like, um, intervene?

00:33:22,530 --> 00:33:26,950
Did they, did they, did they seek help on your behalf?

00:33:27,050 --> 00:33:28,590
How did, you know, how did that happen?

00:33:30,050 --> 00:33:33,810
Yeah, they, I mean, I, I feel incredibly lucky.

00:33:33,930 --> 00:33:35,590
My family has all been very supportive.

00:33:35,810 --> 00:33:37,590
I have a sister who's also very supportive.

00:33:38,250 --> 00:33:39,570
Um, she's eight years older.

00:33:39,710 --> 00:33:44,550
So when I was in high school, she was out of the house already, but, um, my parents definitely

00:33:44,550 --> 00:33:50,770
had a lot of interventions with me, uh, at the time, which is also very normal.

00:33:50,850 --> 00:33:53,350
A lot of my friends were also going through this.

00:33:53,470 --> 00:33:56,150
I had a friend who had started cutting.

00:33:56,150 --> 00:34:01,970
I had other friends who there was a lot of really bad coping mechanisms that are happening under

00:34:01,970 --> 00:34:08,930
who are these like perfect kids, you know, these kids that look really like they're, they're

00:34:08,930 --> 00:34:14,750
top of their class, but they're, you know, have an eating disorder or they're cutting.

00:34:15,470 --> 00:34:23,330
Um, and so I had gone and I had bad experience with a school counselor that wasn't very helpful.

00:34:23,650 --> 00:34:27,390
I tried to take medications and I didn't like the numbness.

00:34:28,010 --> 00:34:32,270
So I wasn't willing at that point to, uh, try different ones.

00:34:32,290 --> 00:34:34,970
So I just didn't tell my family and flushed them down the toilet.

00:34:35,670 --> 00:34:41,230
So we tried interventions, but I, I just, I'm also very stubborn.

00:34:41,710 --> 00:34:49,490
So I just kept, you know, trying to go until I would, you know, I think I had my first panic

00:34:49,490 --> 00:34:55,670
attack after I graduated, right before I was about to head to college, it was, or maybe it was

00:34:55,670 --> 00:35:00,970
when I was trying to choose colleges, but it was just too much pressure. It finally broke. Wow.

00:35:00,970 --> 00:35:04,750
And so you mentioned about an experience with a counselor that didn't go too well.

00:35:04,790 --> 00:35:08,490
What, what was not, what didn't work about that for you?

00:35:08,510 --> 00:35:12,070
Of what was the, you know, what was the reason it didn't go well?

00:35:13,030 --> 00:35:18,390
Yeah, well, that, that instance was I, my friend was cutting.

00:35:18,850 --> 00:35:22,530
I went to the school counselor because I didn't know what to do.

00:35:23,070 --> 00:35:27,070
And I didn't know that cutting didn't equate to suicide.

00:35:27,670 --> 00:35:31,210
Um, in my brain, if you're doing that, then you're going to kill yourself.

00:35:32,470 --> 00:35:34,750
And so I went and I told the counselor.

00:35:35,570 --> 00:35:36,850
They did not deal with it.

00:35:36,850 --> 00:35:40,350
Well, they had me actually, they went and got my friend out of class.

00:35:40,510 --> 00:35:45,730
They had me walk my friend to her car and get the knife out of her car with her.

00:35:45,730 --> 00:35:50,610
I wasn't even supposed to be like, I was outed. She was humiliated.

00:35:51,570 --> 00:36:00,410
It was just this horrible thing where, you know, we both lost trust at that point in each other,

00:36:00,470 --> 00:36:06,130
in the system and everyone, um, and we didn't know how to do, to deal with any of that.

00:36:06,470 --> 00:36:14,630
How was it, you know, how, how long did it take before, you know, your hardheadedness was not,

00:36:14,630 --> 00:36:17,250
was not going to wet out?

00:36:17,730 --> 00:36:18,790
When did you like relent?

00:36:19,050 --> 00:36:22,850
When did you like say, okay, uh, this isn't going to work anymore.

00:36:22,850 --> 00:36:25,190
I can do this for so long.

00:36:25,330 --> 00:36:27,090
And, uh, how did that happen?

00:36:27,250 --> 00:36:28,630
How did you get through that season?

00:36:29,930 --> 00:36:32,630
Well, I, I made it through high school.

00:36:33,090 --> 00:36:37,410
Um, I actually went to school in Chicago, so that's part of why I'm here now.

00:36:37,410 --> 00:36:41,230
So I did live in Chicago for quite a few years and met my husband there.

00:36:41,650 --> 00:36:47,070
Uh, and the first year I, I got through most of it.

00:36:47,070 --> 00:36:48,450
I was piano performance major.

00:36:48,750 --> 00:36:56,850
I dealt with some pretty significant depressions, but I was able to just force myself through it.

00:36:56,850 --> 00:37:06,110
And then sophomore year in college, my body just wouldn't let me, it wouldn't let me force my

00:37:06,110 --> 00:37:11,710
way through more cooperation on this anymore. Yeah.

00:37:12,390 --> 00:37:23,470
So I, I actually had my first suicidal ideation and I had to take a medical leave, my, my boyfriend

00:37:23,470 --> 00:37:29,030
at the time called my dad and they actually flew out and got me and brought me back to Seattle,

00:37:29,030 --> 00:37:35,890
um, at that point I was diagnosed with bipolar two because we had seen it was cyclical, we hadn't

00:37:35,890 --> 00:37:42,050
seen any manias, which is funny because I actually had my first mania the year before, I just

00:37:42,050 --> 00:37:47,050
was traveling in Scotland and I thought, you know, everyone's wild when they travel out of the

00:37:47,050 --> 00:37:50,030
country for the first time when you're 19.

00:37:51,890 --> 00:37:57,170
So, you know, I didn't, I didn't know that that was a symptom to worry about.

00:37:57,610 --> 00:38:04,390
But, um, yeah, at that point I was suicidal and I had to be hospitalized.

00:38:05,230 --> 00:38:08,870
There was just no, there was no way to fight through that.

00:38:09,590 --> 00:38:14,650
And so what happens when you're, you ultimately get hospitalized?

00:38:14,770 --> 00:38:19,930
Are you on a lockdown? Are you? I was, yeah. You're on a hold. Okay.

00:38:20,130 --> 00:38:22,530
What's that, what's that experience like?

00:38:23,990 --> 00:38:30,750
Well, that, the whole thing was, I mean, very, I think it's very traumatic for everyone.

00:38:31,010 --> 00:38:37,810
I, again, very lucky, very privileged. My family is wonderful.

00:38:38,130 --> 00:38:40,390
And both my parents were there with me.

00:38:41,350 --> 00:38:45,130
I actually, at the time, um, there were not enough beds.

00:38:45,510 --> 00:38:49,090
And so I was going to be given a bed.

00:38:49,170 --> 00:38:56,930
There was a man in the hall on a gurney who didn't have a family with them, didn't have anywhere to go.

00:38:57,650 --> 00:38:59,370
And he was gonna have to wait.

00:38:59,410 --> 00:39:00,670
And I was given this bed.

00:39:00,670 --> 00:39:10,570
And I remember that that feeling of frustration and pain and heartbreak for him was outweighing

00:39:10,570 --> 00:39:20,510
how I was feeling at that time, um, because I had people I could go home with, I had help and support. Yes.

00:39:20,510 --> 00:39:28,350
I was like very dangerous, very dangerous place, but they could, they could lock me in a room,

00:39:28,630 --> 00:39:30,250
be in a room with me at home.

00:39:30,250 --> 00:39:34,750
Um, so I mean, as the, and I was 19.

00:39:34,910 --> 00:39:39,950
So as early as that, I was already really thinking with that advocate mindset.

00:39:40,830 --> 00:39:48,170
Uh, and then at the time I went to like Seattle's big trauma hospital.

00:39:48,170 --> 00:39:53,710
They didn't have a unit, the unit at that time was very big too.

00:39:53,770 --> 00:39:59,890
They had like the lockdown unit, which is where even folks that were incarcerated would come,

00:40:00,770 --> 00:40:07,030
we each had our own locked in rooms with people looking in at us, um, to make sure that we were safe.

00:40:07,430 --> 00:40:11,830
I had no idea about, you know, that they would take all my things.

00:40:12,590 --> 00:40:15,190
Um, I, you know, all of that.

00:40:15,190 --> 00:40:18,230
And I ended up being in the hospital for about three weeks.

00:40:18,950 --> 00:40:21,850
And what was the outcome of that?

00:40:25,590 --> 00:40:27,950
So everyone was so kind to me.

00:40:27,950 --> 00:40:34,750
So even though it was obviously terrifying and not a good system, um, the nurses, the doctors,

00:40:35,010 --> 00:40:40,830
they were very kind and, and we're doing the best with what they had.

00:40:41,470 --> 00:40:47,610
Um, at that time is the first time I actually have, I've had electro convulsive therapy or shock therapy.

00:40:48,210 --> 00:40:58,230
For me, it was very helpful and though I wouldn't necessarily recommend it to everyone, I am very grateful for it.

00:40:58,470 --> 00:41:06,690
It is something I've used throughout my, throughout the last, you know, few decades, um, because

00:41:06,690 --> 00:41:16,450
it is helpful in those times, but you know, it took that for me to get out of this really extreme suicidal ideation.

00:41:16,710 --> 00:41:22,090
So you were very, you have a high level of acuity, would you say? Yeah. Oh yes.

00:41:22,090 --> 00:41:28,390
I couldn't think of anything, but can I ask you how many hospitalizations you've had in your life?

00:41:29,590 --> 00:41:33,010
I have, I believe had five, five.

00:41:33,210 --> 00:41:35,450
And then how many, how many treatment episodes?

00:41:37,810 --> 00:41:47,430
Oh, uh, with ECT or not ECT, but residential facilities or I've never been in a residential facility.

00:41:47,430 --> 00:41:55,810
So just hospitalizations, um, four were for suicidal ideation and one was for mania psychosis.

00:41:56,250 --> 00:41:57,850
So you've been through it.

00:41:58,030 --> 00:41:59,350
You have absolutely been through it.

00:41:59,610 --> 00:42:03,770
And many, many others out there are experiencing the same journey.

00:42:03,950 --> 00:42:07,370
How, you know, what was your, what was your breakthrough?

00:42:07,770 --> 00:42:14,330
How did you, you know, come to this amazing place where you're now advocating for others and,

00:42:14,330 --> 00:42:22,870
you know, turning this adversity into, you know, this power, this, uh, ability to help others.

00:42:23,010 --> 00:42:24,130
How did you do that?

00:42:24,190 --> 00:42:30,630
Where did, where did, what, what, what, what did that, you know, what made that happen, how did that come about?

00:42:31,350 --> 00:42:35,790
I think it's so many little pieces throughout the years.

00:42:36,630 --> 00:42:38,750
Um, we talk about human connection.

00:42:38,750 --> 00:42:46,930
I think that my family, my husband, my friends, I have this incredible community surrounding

00:42:46,930 --> 00:42:50,550
me that just has been so supportive.

00:42:50,990 --> 00:43:03,650
I also had the same psychiatrist from 19 to like 35 and he, I mean, he said he, when he started,

00:43:03,850 --> 00:43:04,770
he was a baby doc.

00:43:04,770 --> 00:43:06,970
And so we just like grew together.

00:43:07,830 --> 00:43:11,950
Um, and he understood me so well, he was able to really challenge me.

00:43:12,050 --> 00:43:20,630
Uh, I think one of the big things, one, one of those many pieces was that he had a little intervention

00:43:20,630 --> 00:43:25,510
with me himself and said, you like data and research.

00:43:25,850 --> 00:43:32,410
So I want you to think about this trend that you have of like, because I continue to be an overachiever,

00:43:32,490 --> 00:43:38,010
I still am, but I would, I would achieve, achieve, achieve, and then I would be hospitalized.

00:43:38,770 --> 00:43:40,530
So I published my book.

00:43:40,650 --> 00:43:46,550
I did the opening for the NAMI convention, and then I was hospitalized.

00:43:47,110 --> 00:43:51,710
I got a chance to be an intern with WHO in Geneva, then I was hospitalized.

00:43:51,910 --> 00:43:55,770
It was like over and over again. Um, it always correlated.

00:43:55,770 --> 00:44:06,930
And so for me to finally really look at that and say, not just like that, I'm working too hard

00:44:06,930 --> 00:44:10,030
and crashing, but where does that come from?

00:44:10,830 --> 00:44:12,710
What does it mean to just exist?

00:44:13,250 --> 00:44:20,710
What does it mean to, and what I'm working on now is still like, who am I? What, who am I?

00:44:20,710 --> 00:44:29,570
If I'm just resting or being restful, like changing the word lazy to restful, having that mindset

00:44:29,570 --> 00:44:37,830
of understanding, you know, how to have this not black and white, uh, you know, be able to have

00:44:37,830 --> 00:44:44,450
it as a full, my full self, be able to unmask so that I don't work hard all day and then crash

00:44:44,450 --> 00:44:48,330
at night and be able to have emotions throughout the day.

00:44:48,330 --> 00:44:51,770
All of those pieces have gotten me where I am.

00:44:52,570 --> 00:44:54,370
Well, you are quite an inspiration.

00:44:55,370 --> 00:45:04,670
And you know, what I hear from your story is the, uh, you know, that it is many times it takes work, right?

00:45:04,670 --> 00:45:12,070
It takes work and it takes time and it takes, uh, just endurance and consistency and, you know,

00:45:12,070 --> 00:45:15,170
the lack of a silver bullet or a magic pill, right?

00:45:15,170 --> 00:45:21,050
There's no microwave magic here when it comes to this, uh, that we deal with.

00:45:21,150 --> 00:45:23,570
You know, I have lived my own lived experience too.

00:45:23,750 --> 00:45:25,410
It took many, many years for me.

00:45:25,530 --> 00:45:28,770
You know, it didn't happen overnight and that's okay.

00:45:28,770 --> 00:45:36,310
In many ways, I think that that time in my struggle and my, uh, path of self-discovery has paid,

00:45:36,310 --> 00:45:41,610
you know, some incredible dividends that I didn't think all those, you know, little deposits

00:45:41,610 --> 00:45:47,670
I was making and all that time that was, it was taking, I didn't realize I was storing up something

00:45:47,670 --> 00:45:53,110
special for, you know, for the work that I do now, and I see that in you too, Linnea, it's, uh, it's amazing.

00:45:53,730 --> 00:46:01,470
If I were to ask you, you know, what, um, you know, what would you say to that person that's

00:46:01,470 --> 00:46:08,630
on that path of, you know, just having to sort of really be, uh, you know, in it for the long

00:46:08,630 --> 00:46:16,310
haul and is sort of going through that process and maybe not seeing the results that they want today, right?

00:46:16,310 --> 00:46:23,650
What would you say to encourage them and to, uh, support them to move forward in that, in that process?

00:46:25,290 --> 00:46:26,830
It's such a good question.

00:46:26,870 --> 00:46:32,130
And to be totally vulnerable, I've been dealing with the depression right now, recently again.

00:46:33,210 --> 00:46:41,950
And I think one of the things that make my depressions these days a little bit easier, uh, it's

00:46:41,950 --> 00:46:47,610
just trying to, again, remind myself that this is a cyclical thing that things change.

00:46:48,090 --> 00:46:55,610
Um, I, this time around went through a big denial phase that I wasn't depressed until just like recently.

00:46:56,390 --> 00:47:02,490
Uh, and so again, just reminding myself, it's okay to feel feelings.

00:47:02,870 --> 00:47:05,130
It's, it's good to get them out.

00:47:05,690 --> 00:47:09,250
And that it's what makes us who we are.

00:47:09,510 --> 00:47:14,010
And that, yeah, it's, it's gonna get better. It always does.

00:47:14,230 --> 00:47:19,370
It just doesn't feel like it maybe for a long time, but it does.

00:47:20,010 --> 00:47:23,830
Um, and I have that advantage now that I've dealt with this for so long.

00:47:23,830 --> 00:47:29,730
It's easy for me to see the cycles, but, you know, you think about someone with their first,

00:47:29,730 --> 00:47:37,290
their first diagnosis, their, or their first, um, times really struggling and it's hard to see

00:47:37,290 --> 00:47:40,650
that you can get through it and that it's a process.

00:47:40,990 --> 00:47:48,230
I so greatly appreciate your story and your vulnerability and how you're talking about the ongoing struggle, right?

00:47:48,230 --> 00:47:53,930
I mean, it, you know, the cycles and maybe the depths are not as deep as they once were, but

00:47:53,930 --> 00:47:59,630
there are still depths and there's still these, you know, there's these mountaintops and hills

00:47:59,630 --> 00:48:06,670
and, but there are those valleys too, that we continue to encounter as we move forward in life.

00:48:06,770 --> 00:48:13,190
And I think that is a real, very real perspective that, that the world needed to hear, and I'm

00:48:13,190 --> 00:48:18,050
so glad that you just shared that because there's so many people out there that are, you know,

00:48:18,050 --> 00:48:23,630
they're having that experience and you can go through that experience and still be okay, right?

00:48:23,630 --> 00:48:26,690
You can still, ultimately it's tough.

00:48:27,230 --> 00:48:31,170
No one's going to diminish that, but you can go through that experience and still be okay.

00:48:31,250 --> 00:48:35,810
And you are living proof of that right now as we're sitting here and speaking.

00:48:36,190 --> 00:48:40,230
So I want to thank you for joining me and sharing your message.

00:48:41,010 --> 00:48:43,770
Uh, in closing, I want to play a little word association.

00:48:44,290 --> 00:48:46,850
Just, I'm going to give you some words.

00:48:46,850 --> 00:48:57,370
You just give me the first thing that comes, uh, back to, you know, to your mind and so, um, first word is struggle.

00:49:01,130 --> 00:49:11,130
Growth. Love that. Uh, piano. Love. And treatment.

00:49:17,690 --> 00:49:24,210
There's just like blankness, um, hard work.

00:49:26,390 --> 00:49:28,930
Linnea, thank you so much for joining me today.

00:49:29,110 --> 00:49:37,950
You've been a real gift and the story and appreciate the vulnerability and authenticity within

00:49:37,950 --> 00:49:41,890
you and appreciate the message that you shared with the audience and myself.

00:49:41,950 --> 00:49:46,570
Thank you for your time. Wonderful to have you. Thank you.

00:49:46,570 --> 00:49:48,890
It's been great to be here. Thank you.

00:49:53,830 --> 00:49:56,990
Thank you for tuning into the altered life podcast.

00:49:57,790 --> 00:50:03,310
We hope today's episode left you inspired, informed, and ready to take on new challenges.

00:50:03,590 --> 00:50:09,590
If you enjoyed this conversation, don't forget to subscribe, leave us a review and share it

00:50:09,590 --> 00:50:12,130
with someone who might benefit from today's insights.

00:50:12,170 --> 00:50:16,250
You can connect with us on YouTube, LinkedIn, and Facebook.

00:50:16,570 --> 00:50:24,970
Or visit alteredlifepodcast.com to join our community and stay updated on all things human connection.

00:50:25,570 --> 00:50:28,310
Until next time, remember stay connected.

00:50:28,710 --> 00:50:31,770
The power of human connection is unlimited.

00:50:32,370 --> 00:50:34,430
Thanks for listening and we'll see you soon.